I have a restless heart this morning and dont want to write the ins and outs of it on the internet, and I know you guys understand
BUT I am going to share that I am talking to God, and listening to Him.
I am talking to my sponsor and taking her suggestions
I am talking with my AA friends
I am in meetings on a regular basis.
I am in action
I am getting out of self

Just home sick today... Been feel sick off and on since Friday and today I am done.
Went home and have been in bed since...
Happy Monday

WHY do people gotta hate? I don't get it. I too got a disturbing comment from Patrick, and I went to his blog and he has my pic and some of my posts, and some of your guys pics and posts as well, and he has dissected and misconstrued them and its just gross, plain gross-
Alcoholics Anonymous is a good thing. It is NOT a satanic cult or anything like that. It horrifies me to read the garbage he wrote. The thing is AA makes no monopoly about the only way to get sober, or find a Higher Power. I know for me, it has worked for me, and millions of others, AAAAAAAAAAAAAND if you choose to do something else to better your life go for it...

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety

With that said, I hope you have a fabulous SOBER weekend!

a little sharing

so I had this dream last night, that I was in labor and delivery, and I was having contractions, and about to have a baby! I was so happy in my dream, Dennis and Bay were there and I was so excited, I get to have a baby! Then my alarm went off and it was just a dream. I was bummed... weird.

I know its a dream. I remember in early recovery I had these crazy vivid dreams all the time, some were good and some were bad. My roommate who was into that sort of thing gave me a dream book, that helps interpret dreams. What I remember from the dream book, if you are pregnant in your dream, it means you are about to go through big change, and give birth to something new in your life...OK that interpretation makes sense to me... and there are wonderful changes in my life right now and about to happen

The dream made me sad, because I want a baby. its not random, its something I keep to myself because LOL when I told my sponsor and one best friend and husband last year, they all looked at me like I was nuts, and asked me "ARE YOU NUTS?"which was NOT the desired response - my response was NO but they could not understand.... Being a mom is amazing. I know for me when I was pregnant with Bayleigh, I loved being pregnant with her. I loved having a baby, and becoming a mother. I loved it. I was alone during my pregnancy and the outside circumstances where not the greatest, and I love my husband so much I wanted to have his baby, and experience that with him... any way He did not nor does he now feel the same way, it was something we talked about before we got married, and at one-time he was like YEA, then somewhere he changed, and I accepted understood his reason... LOL ... and then I had my hysterectomy, and that was that.


I have been thinking about having a baby again, LOL Some may not understand and that's OK. I cant have a baby. My one of my other best friend is about to deliver her first baby, I was also watching John and Kate plus 8 last night lol I am OK. I am so grateful to have my beautiful daughter Bayleigh and my step kids and my step grand baby who is a running toddler now! It IS OK. and I am ok... just one of those little things that I am experiencing right now... Just feel it, accept it and be grateful for the good things I do have in my life, which are plentiful-


Have a good Thursday

and exhale.........................

Taking a quick time out. Having a frustrating work day and gonna start it over. Just a very very busy day filled with complicated issues and there is too much on my plate wwwwwwwwwwwwwwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANd I am freaking out because there was an issue where I may have to wait until August to start working from home. I may still get to go July 28th but I am waiting to see, OH GOD I hope and pray I can go 7/28.... leaving it up to Him (trying lol)
thankful for the 40lbs lost it feels good to be in a size that I wore 3+ yrs ago.
thankful for the wonderful husband I have who loves me and puts up with me
playing on the slip and slide last night w Bayleigh after I got done working at 7 (yikes)
coffee and energy drinks that help me stay enthusiastic through out the day
for being able to laugh at me... and just laughing I love laughing and laugh a lot... LOL
life is good even if I am stressed at the moment because of work
Have a great Hump Day

VRoooooooooooooooooooom

Busy Busy Busy morning. I feel OK about it all... maybe a little too much coffee
Lots to do at work, and yesterday was one of those days where I was needed to help a few coworkers which I don't mind doing, until I cant get my work done, and that is what happened yesterday. So this morning I talked to them and said I am sorry I have a lot on my plate and need to get it done. I think I also find myself a bit urgent at work and not wanting to miss work or get behind... FOR FEAR of them (the big bosses) saying sorry Shan you cant work from home until next month. So I made a decision this morning. I prayed about my fear, asked God to remove it and direct my attention where HE would have me be... that did help. God has a plan and even on little things like this, it helps my sanity level when I trust Him.
I was able to get to bed early last night... YAY it felt so good to sleep and so good to get up when my alarm went off, and just take my time in the morning. Also because Bayleighs daycare moved I am taking her in the mornings now. I kinda like that extra time with her again.
OH and I am wearing a fancy shirt today, its amazing when you wear a fancy shirt, people say nice things to you... hee hee
Have a great day today

Sunny Beaches

Here it is Monday again I am working... lol really I am. I am just on a small teensy break trying to check in with you guys. Thank you for being patient with me and NOT black balling me because there are some days I can NOT blog.
I tried Saturday but something was happening with blogger and when I went to redo it my who post was gone, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND I didn't have time to do a new blog.. on Saturday I worked some OT from home... , then went to a birthday party, then went on a slip and slide mission for Bay and Em. Then had dinner and took kids to the movies... we saw Handcock, I love Will Smith...
Sunday I was up and out of the house by 7.45ish had a 1 day softball tourney... SO much fun. I don't know if I shared with you guys. I started playing ball on a clean and sober legue- We played 3 games, then from there went to the business meeting at my homegroup, and if you have been to business meetings you know those can be trying... and it was, then right after we had the 45th anniversary committee meeting (which I am on) then the homegroup picnic planning meeting (which I am on too) lol and then went home and drove my stepson home, when I got home for the day it was 9.15 I was tired, sore, and needed a shower and bed... LOL
So here I am Monday morning, ass kinda draggin-kinda grumpy and tired- but dealing and trudging through. We have just been told we have to do at least 8 hours of OT each this week... ***sighs I DONT WANNA... but I gotta... so I will spread it all over the whole week including this Saturday... so I can do it. I just don't want to
Tonight after work I have the bigbook study and after that I am looking forward to a walk around the block, and then home to relax and recover from the busy busy weekend- and bed early....
A Meditation from the book "women who do too much by Anne Wilson Schaef
At work you think of the children you have left at home. At home you think of the work you left unfinished. Such a struggle us unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent. - then the reading goes on about struggling with work and family... (I can add AA and social) and the guilt you feel when you cant be all things to all people. Just reminder that I am NOT superwoman, something I really need to remind myself of, and to just do the best I can, be honest, slow down and be.
Thanks for listening to this old gal today... have a nice Monday